The personal and sexual needs of young persons
SOCIAL ADJUSTMENT 493
Every child, whether disabled or not, has the same basic needs for food, protection,
and love. The child who is treated consistently with love, respect, and understanding has a
greater chance of becoming a loving, respectful, and understanding adult.
Every child has a need to be touched and held. Small children learn about themselves by
exploring and touching different parts of their bodies. A child whose disability makes touching
and exploring her body more difficult may have an even greater need than other children to
be held and hugged.
Most societies have rules and taboos that attempt to limit and govern sexual behavior.
And within most societies, young people (and old) usually find ways of getting around some
of those rules, usually more or less secretly. The best answer to sex education is to talk
openly and honestly about sexual themes, but also to look for informal and unsupervised
ways for disabled adolescents to spend time with and share the “secrets” of other
adolescents.
But it is also important to make sure that disabled children understand how to resist
sexual abuse. Adults can take advantage of their power and trust and enter into sexual
relations with children, especially disabled children. It should be explained to children that
these kinds of “secrets” are not acceptable and that they should let others know about what
is happening. See Helping Children Who Are Blind (Chapter 12) or Helping Children Who Are
Deaf (Chapter 13) for ideas on how to prevent sexual abuse and ways to talk with children
about this difficult topic.
LOVING RELATIONSHIPS, MARRIAGE, AND FORMING A FAMILY
It is important that disabled people and everyone else in the community realize that
most disabled persons are capable of getting married and having children. Except for a few
inherited disabilities, the children born to disabled parents have just as great a chance of
being normal as do children of non-disabled parents.
For most disabled persons, a close, loving partnership is possible. This is true even when
the disability makes having children unlikely, as in some men with spinal cord injury. Persons
who have no feeling in their sex parts can discover sexual satisfaction through meeting of
lips or other parts of the body that feel. If the couple wants children, perhaps they can adopt
them.
In some societies, nearly everyone is expected and able to marry, including disabled
persons. But in cultures that put great importance on an ‘ideal’ or complete physical
appearance, it may be difficult for the disabled person to find a partner. The biggest barrier
is sometimes the feeling by the disabled person that he or she can never be attractive to
anyone. To overcome those feelings, disabled persons can sometimes advise one another.
Those who have overcome their own fears of unacceptability and have formed loving
relationships can do much to help others realize that inner beauty and gentleness of spirit can
also make a person attractive.
disabled village children